Okay bro, listen.
You know that one excuse everyone uses in school? “My dog ate my homework”?
Yeah, guess what — it actually happened to me.
Like, legit.
I swear I’m not making this up. Even my mom was like:
🧍🏽♀️ “Beta, this is why we can’t have nice things.”
So it started on a calm Sunday night.
I was chilling with my chai ☕, TV volume on 15, brain on 2% battery, struggling to finish my History assignment that I had obviously ignored the entire week.
Suddenly, Simbu — my sweet, cuddly, tail-wagging golden retriever (also known as Satan in disguise) — jumped on my bed.
At first I was like “Awww baby wants cuddles 😭❤️”
But no. Baby wanted destruction.
He sniffed my homework like it was chicken biryani.
And before I could say “No Simbu NOOO!” —
CRUNCH. RIP. SLURP.
Gone.
My entire assignment… turned into literal dog poop.
Dramatic Reactions (a.k.a. me in real life):
1. 😭 "Bhaiyaaa, main barbaad ho gaya!"
2. 🫠 “How do I explain this without sounding like a Bollywood villain?”
3. 🐶 “Simbu, tu mera bhai tha!”
4. 🤯 “This is not even metaphorical pain. It's actual, saliva-soaked trauma.”
5. 🧘🏽♂️ “I am one with the universe. The universe hates me.”
Next day, I went to school like a war survivor.
Told my teacher what happened.
She looked at me like I’d just tried to sell her an expired Parle-G packet.
Her face said: “Seriously? You're 19. Not in 2nd standard.”
I even showed her the leftover page bits with teeth marks.
Bro, even CSI: Delhi couldn’t deny that evidence.
She still gave me 0. Zero. Shunya. A fat duck egg.
I went home, stared at Simbu.
He wagged his tail like,
“Bhai, that essay was trash anyway.”
I hate how he's right.
Moral of the story:
Never leave your homework unattended.
Especially not near a furry creature with the appetite of a politician at buffet.
Also, invest in Google Docs.
Paper is for amateurs and puppies. 🐾