Broooo 😩
Let me just start by saying — understanding what’s going on in class is highly overrated. Like, who even does that? Some nerd named Ramesh who already has a backup job in his uncle's company.
As for me? I’m out here mastering the ancient art of Pretending-to-Understand-Everything-While-Understanding-Nothing™. And let me tell you, it’s a full-time skill. You gotta fake it like your attendance sheet depends on it.
Let me break it down for you, step-by-step. 👇
Step 1: The Holy Nod 🙏
This is your bread and butter.
Sir: “As you can see, the Laplace Transform—”
Me: Nods slowly like I’m unlocking the secrets of the universe.
Inside my brain: “Laplace sounds like a French bakery.”
You gotta master four nod types:
- Slow Confused Nod: “Ah, yes, I see nothing but will act like I do.”
- Fast Happy Nod: “OMG sir you genius!” (Good when teacher makes a lame joke)
- Sad Understanding Nod: “Yes yes, life is pain, I relate.”
- Side Tilt Nod: “I have entered another intellectual dimension.” (Even Einstein fears this one)
Step 2: Strategic Eye Contact 👀
Never make full eye contact. That’s how they catch you.
Use the “Zone Defense” strategy:
- Look 2 seconds at the board
- 3 seconds at your notebook
- 1.5 seconds at the prof
- 5 seconds at your neighbour's notes (optional panic)
If prof catches your eye, just squint slightly and do the "Hmm...interesting" face. You know the one—eyebrows slightly raised, lips pursed like you’re about to ask something deep... but won’t.
Step 3: The “Pen Trick” 🖊️
Always hold a pen. Even if you don’t write a single word, just click it occasionally and look thoughtful. Doodle a sad potato in the corner of your notebook for emotional support. Nobody will notice.
BONUS: Underline random things in the textbook. Use colors. Teachers love color-coded confusion.
Step 4: Speak Only in Safe Words 😇
If you’re forced to answer or discuss something, use universal phrases that work for literally everything:
- “It depends on the context.”
- “That’s a very layered concept, sir.”
- “I think we can look at it from a broader perspective.”
- “Ma’am, I’d love to explore that further… but we’re out of time.” 😏
Works. Every. Single. Time.
Step 5: Group Discussion = Group Surviving 💀
When you’re doing group study, and everyone’s looking at you like you know things—just repeat what the last person said in a slightly deeper voice.
Friend: “I think the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”
Me: “Exactly. But why is it the powerhouse, right? That’s the real question.”
Everyone nods.
I win.
Dramatic Reactions During Class:
- When prof asks a question: "Don't pick me bro, I'm invisible energy today" 🧟♂️
- When class ends suddenly: “We’re free?? Or is this emotional manipulation again?”
- When topper says “It was so easy, no?”: "Bhai, I’m fighting demons you can’t even pronounce."
- When the projector breaks mid-lecture: "God has favourites and I am one."
- When someone actually asks a doubt: “Why would you summon the demon again?? Class was ending!”
Final Thoughts (a.k.a. fake wisdom)
- So yeah, do I understand class? Nope.
- Do I look like I understand class? Absolutely.
That’s 80% of college right there.
Moral of the story:
If you can’t make sense, make expressions.
Because in the end, life is also just a big group project where nobody knows what’s happening but everyone
is nodding anyway. 😌
📚💀👏
Share this with your study group (a.k.a. group of people you’ll fail with together).